Portfolio - Phillip Awad Portfolio - Phillip Awad


Bananas are good for you

September 10th, 2016 Loading Comments...
Mother: Phillip, eat this banana!
Phillip: I'm in the bathroom.
Mother: What are you doing?
Phillip: I'm pooping.
Mother: The banana will help with that. Should I come in?

Indian Man On the Sidewalk

December 24th, 2013 Loading Comments...
Dad: Look, there's an Indian on the sidewalk! (points at him)
Phillip: Stop pointing at him. He can see you.
Dad: So what? We can just drive away.
(Man sees the pointing finger)
Dad: He's fat!
(Drives away)

Motherly Instincts in Overdrive

May 1st, 2012 Loading Comments...
Phillip: That was good bacon
Mother: Thank you.
Mother: Time to start making lunch! Do you want chicken or fish?
Phillip: I just finished eating breakfast 5 minutes ago.


April 2nd, 2012 Loading Comments...
Minso: I just realized that I have a really Korean face.
Minso: Like really really Korean.
Phillip: Well you are Korean. 


March 12th, 2012 Loading Comments...
John: What is Catholic mass like anyway?
Phillip: We stand, kneel, sit, and think about the things we did for fun during the week.
Phillip: And then we ask for forgiveness, because you're not allowed to have fun when you're Catholic.
August 13th, 2011 Loading Comments...

"Really, what kind of doctor you want to be comes down to one simple question: do you want to be a masturbator or an active participant?"

- An attending during rounds
January 23rd, 2011 Loading Comments...

This is helping me choose what field I want to go into.


January 5th, 2011 Loading Comments...

I had my pediatrics clerkship for the last two months:

“You made my baby cry!”
“I’m sorry. I just looked at her.”

“Is this your first time giving a vaccine?”
“Great. My kid is going to cry all night now.”

“Which ear hurts?”

The little girl points to her left ear.

“This ear hurts?”

“No, this one,” she says, pointing to her right ear.

“This ear hurts?” I ask again.

“No, this one,” she says pointing to her left ear.

We repeat this dance for the next ten minutes.

“Hi, I’m Phillip, one of the medical students. Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions about your son?”
“No, I only want to speak to the attending. Go away.”

“What do you think is wrong with her?”

“I’m not sure. I’ll speak to my attending and we can move from there.”

“Do you have any ideas at least?”

“Well it could be…”

“Do you know anything?” she interrupts.

“Not really. One of the hazards of being a student.”

“Are you sexually active?”
“Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?”
“Yeah, I have a girlfriend.”
“What do you guys do together? Make-out…?”
“We do it in the butt. It’s not sex if I’m not using her pussy.”

“How long has his knee been swollen and red like this?”
“A week now. I was putting some oil and vinegar on it everyday. That usually works.”

“I always look at tall women and think they’re models, that’s how beautiful they are,” the doctor told her patient. The patient was on track to be six feet.
“Just remember, don’t feel that you need to limit yourself to tall guys. There are plenty of short men who you can date. Don’t rule out short men,” she said, pointing at me. 

“Any nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, chest pain, or shortness of breath overnight?”

“Is my son going to die?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Is my son going to die? Please tell me he’s not going to die.”

January 4th, 2011 Loading Comments...

"You know, your nose doesn’t have to be in there."

- A resident to me as I performed my first pelvic exam on a woman. I have a bad habit of staring very closely at something when I’m really concentrating.

WTF Has Obama Done So Far?

November 3rd, 2010 Loading Comments...

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